Thorn Among the Roses
by ChairLegOfTruth
Summary: Severus Snape has been forced into hiding at the home of Miss Hermione Granger, Oh the Horror! And her cousin Katina's coming to stay! Will they survive the sarcasm wars, kill each other, or become Friends? SSOC rnPlease Review, I'll dance with joy!
1. 1 prologue

Chapter 1. Prologue

A summons from Albus had come through the Hogwarts floo network and as he glided through the corridors on his way to the Head's office, he was contemplating what Albus had in store for him this time.

'Oh please let this be a real challenge instead of another insufferable "chat" over tea! Last time Albus was questioning me on my nonexistent love-life and how much upkeep the dungeons needed. What could he possibly want now?'

He reached the hidden staircase and repeated the password.

"Everlasting Gobstoppers"

'Honestly, that man and his muggle candies!'

A slight rap of the knuckles and a cheery "Come in Severus!" later, Severus Snape sat in Dumbledore's office, fingers steepled, waiting for the inevitable "What do you take in your tea again, Severus?"

It didn't come.

After offering Snape a lemon drop (with less enthusiasm than usual, Snape noted), Albus Dumbledore put on his concerned face, but failed to hide the twinkle in his eye.

"Severus, I'm afraid I've got some bad news,"

Snape braced himself.

"Ever since the defeat of Voldemort 3 years ago, what few of his followers remained have been trying to kill you, the traitor to the cause."

Severus nodded his head to say "Yes I know, get to the point."

The one Death Eater we've yet to find is Barty Crouch," Dumbledore continued "recent evidence has proved my speculations as correct,"

"He's looking for you. And we have reason to believe that he'll try to make his move on you soon-"

"I shall dispatch him as soon as possible, Headmaster, like the rest." Snape said as rose from his chair.

"No Severus, you will not. I would like to deal with this one personally. Therefore, I'm going to ask you to go into hiding for a short period and I've already arranged a place for you to stay…" Albus paused for dramatic effect and Snape sat down again.

Severus Snape pondered

'The most logical plan would be for me to deal with Barty as I dealt with his associates, but one must not question Dumbledore too much or he starts sending you large packets of muggle sweets.

'Into hiding, eh? Now if I were him where would I hide me? With people I naturally hate of course…oh no.'

Snape jumped up and declared,

"Albus, I will not stay with Potter and Weasley in that dingy muggle flat of theirs!"

That infuriating man only twinkled more merrily.

"Severus, would I do that to you?"

Quite firmly Snape replied "Yes"

"Of course not" Dumbledore answered himself.

"No, actually you'll be staying with Miss Hermione Granger-"

"WHAT?!!" Severus roared loud enough for Fawkes to burst into flame in surprise.

(Authors Note: to anyone out there, I hope you like it!!)


	2. 2 Meet the Roses

(Author's Note: I'm so depressed that I only got one review that I didn't want to write any more, but my imagination got the better of me, so if anyone out there's reading this, please review me!)

Chapter 2 Meet the Roses.

"Aaaah!" Severus Snape woke himself up in the usual way. Only this time, he didn't wake up screaming because of nightmares, he woke up screaming because someone had announced into his dream world, "Rise and Shine Severus! Today's the day you go to miss Grangers! You wouldn't want to be late would you?"

Severus moaned audibly and shoved his head under the black pillowcase, all the while mumbling "It's only another nightmare, It's only another nightmare, It's only another nightmare…"

"Now Now, Severus, if you insist on acting this way I may just have to levitate you out of bed again!"

Snape jumped out of bed.

"Ah, good. I see you haven't packed, so if I may take the liberty…" Black everything came flying out of the drawers and into a trunk that hadn't been there a second ago.

"And seeing as you can't appear as a "bat from hell" I think you'll wear this!"

In a glow of green light appeared a gray suit, gray silk top hat and oddly enough, a pair of blue sunglasses. Snape inspected the clothes and realized they looked exactly like the suit worn by Dracula in the movie with Gary Youngman or something.

"You want me to show up at Miss Grangers residence looking like Dracula?!"

Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled so much they could generate a nuclear power plant.

Snape groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose while Dumbledore left the room with a chuckle, stating "I'll let you get dressed and I'll expect you in my office in a ½ and hour!"

(look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a page break!!)

Severus Snape, stood in his "traveling clothes" outside a very posh London apartment building, staring at the buzzer. He took a chance and pushed the button with "H. Granger" next to it.

An educated feminine voice answered,

"Professor Snape? Is that you?"

He took another chance and pushed the "speak" button.

"Yes Miss Granger. Dumbledore has instructed me to say as a sort of pass phrase, The Children of the night, what beautiful music they make."

Laughing, Hermione replied "I'll be right down!"

The front door opened and Hermione stepped out to help him with his luggage, when she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Merlin's beard, you're dressed like…"

"Dumbledore's idea."

"Like the password"

Hermione grinned, picked up a few bags and ushered him inside, saying

"This way, Prince Vlad!"

Severus glared.

They stepped into Hermione's apartment and Snape was mildly impressed. The entire front room was covered in floor to ceiling cherry wood bookshelves, stocked with old and new volumes. All the furniture was red Victorian brocade. Directly opposite the door were huge French doors leading out to a balcony.

"Why Miss Granger! It's not as pink as I imagined!"

"Thank you for that critique, Prince Vlad."

Severus Snape glared.

"Your room's through that door, you might want some thicker curtains in there to protect you from sunlight, and my cousin Katina will be arriving this afternoon."

"I assure you Miss Granger-"

"Wait, what cousin?"


	3. 3 let the games begins

Author's Meanderings: Hello, Friends, Romans, Countrymen! I've had a major problem with writer's block (kitchen utensils come flying through the air I'm Sorry! Please don't hurt me!), but luckily I went and saw "The Phantom Of the Opera" and it's provided me with much in the way of inspiration. For anyone who reads Snape stuff, you'll love this movie, trust me. My Favorite song is "The Point of No Return".

I urge and Beseech Thee, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

And On With The Show In

Chapter 3: Meetings and Greetings

The buzzer rang a half an hour after Snape arrived, just long enough to unpack and get very worried about this cousin. Hermione buzzed her in and waited by the door for her cousin. From his hideout in his back bedroom, he heard swearing and the sound bags being dragged in, then delighted screaming.

"Professor! Come meet Katina!"

"Must I?"

"You might as well get it over with now!" a slightly more gravelly voice replied.

Standing in the hallway were Hermione, who had an amused smile on her face and a girl who must have been Katina. She was wearing a black gothic dress underneath her heavy black traveling cloak. She had thick, curly auburn hair and big brown eyes with a memory of black eyeliner around them.

"Professor Severus Snape, I would like you to meet my cousin, Katina Helena Granger."

"What an honor to meet another brilliant Granger" he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"It's very nice to meet you too, Prince Vlad." (Authors note; Some of you were confused by that name, well this name ties in with his traveling clothes, Gary Oldman is called that in Dracula, it's a friendly dig, see? Life's not worth living when you have to explain the joke,L)

Snape groaned and thought to himself, "One of these days, Albus, one of these days."

"Well that went well," Hermione declared 20 minutes later, as she stood in Snape's doorway.

"You know you could have been a little nicer to her, considering you're my guest and she's my cousin."

"Miss Granger, if she proves to be more than another dunderheaded Gryffindor, then I shall indeed be more cordial."

"Whatever" Hermione said and walked out of the room.

The days passed slowly as the animosity between Katina and Snape slowly, like ice melting, receded. On the first day Katina made Japanese sushi, one of her and Hermione's favorites. Snape looked on with distaste at the cucumber rolls and raw salmon.

"What in Merlin's name are you eating?"

"It's sushi, what, you've never eaten sushi?"

"Well since I prefer my food cooked and edible, then no, I haven't." He had a look that blended disgust and trepidation on his pale face.

Katina slammed her dish down, _"Are you saying I don't know what I'm doing in the kitchen!"_

"Actually yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"Oooh, shouldn't a' done that." Hermione put in while popping a California roll in her mouth.

"_**Why you Unbelievable, Imbecilic, Dunderheaded Bastard!"**_

Snape looked a little surprised that she used his favorite name to call students, but was still too stunned by her outburst to say anything.

"**_How dare you call my cooking below average! You probably couldn't make a decent meal if your life depended on it!"_**

"You really shouldn't of done that." Hermione cut in again.

"**_If you think I went to the Parisian Cordon Bleu just to be called inadequate by an amateur like you, you're Sadly Fucking Mistaken!"_** She screamed one last time, threw her dish at the wall and stormed to her room.

Snape and Hermione sat at the table. One had been stunned into silence, the other continued to eat her meal.

"I said you should be nicer, but did you listen to me? Nooo."

Snape glared and stalked off to his bedroom.

**_1 Hour Later:_** Katina stepped out of the bathroom, clad in black cotton robe and black towel around her wet hair.

"I'm still pissed at that bastard! How dare he accuse me of inadequate cooking, he didn't even try my specialty egg rolls!"

As she was fuming, she failed to notice the black rose nestled on her bed next to a roll of parchment.

She smiled as she saw her favourite flower in her favourite colour. She conjured up a smoked crystal vase and placed it delicately by her bedside.

She picked up the scroll and broke the black wax seal.

It read thus:

Miss Granger,

I apologize for calling you a bad cook without tasting the evidence. I'm usually suspect to one of the students trying to poison my food, only they go about with more gusto. Perhaps I was wrong about your meal, after all they don't just teach you how to scramble eggs at the Cordon Bleu, but I didn't want to take the chance of food poisoning.

Sincerely,

Professor S. Snape

Katina's face upon reading this was a mixture of frustration and glee, because it meant she could write an equally scathing forgiveness note.

She sat down and began to write a reply.

The next day passed quietly enough but the second day proved more eventful.

The three were sitting in the living room/study/library before breakfast. Katina and Snape sat at opposite ends of the room each in their respective dark corners, Hermione was the only one sitting in the sunlight.

As Katina had been in particularly Gothic Lolita mood she was wearing what looked like a Victorian doll's dress, in black of course, with white frills at the hem, collar and cuffs. She wore her hair in black silk ribbons, tying her curls in. Severus looked like……drum roll ……wait for it…… A Potions Master!

They had been reading in the solitude of morning when finally Hermione threw down her book, sighed loudly and looked back and forth between her two silent companions.

"God I'm hungry! And more than a little bored."

Silence.

"Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't I conjure up some breakfast, then take you two on a tour of some city! We can apparate back tonight around 10:00, how does that sound?"

Katina visibly brightened "I'm game! What city?"

"Well it depends, metropolis or quaint village?"

"Both, New York! We can go to Greenwich Village!"

"And the Library!"

"And the Museum!"

"And the Shops!"

Hermione and Katina lapsed into giggles while Severus was already planning his rout of extraction from this frivolous outing.

"You two should have a lovely time," he said voice dripping with contempt, "I on the other hand, have far more important things to do."

"Like what exactly?" all at once the two Miss Grangers had turned from giggling school girls (which he hated) to dangerous Xena-like women, ready to break out the broad swords.

"Like," he searched his mind for something important to do. He came up blank.

"Like my lesson plans for next year!" he declared triumphantly

"Why do something you already did?" his two interrogators looked on with glinting eye, not unlike Dumbledore, but with a decided feminine ferocity in them.

"I know for a fact you finished them all one week before arriving here!" Hermione announced triumphantly.

"Ah-ha! So a lie hath been brought forth into the clarity of Judgement! Now sir, you must pay the penalty for attempting to deceive two young women!"

Hermione looked at her cousin, like you would look at a sister when she's obsessing over something, fondly with a hint of annoyance. Severus merely looked on with trepidation.

"What did I tell you about reading Shakespeare?" Hermione sighed.

Katina looked at her impishly and said "As far as I know you've said nothing to counteract my further perusal of dear Willy's writings."

Giving up, Hermione said "Anyway, you have a point." turning to Severus (who had begun to hope they had forgotten the reason for Katina's tirade).

"You can't be left alone Dumbledore wants me within throwing distance of you at all times, so you have no choice but to come, or I will report you to Dumbledore."

Severus sighed in defeat and got up to leave the room.

"When breakfast is ready inform me. And when the preparations for this undeniably insipid trip are finished, feel free to forget me."

And Hermione and Katina sat down to plan.


	4. 4 New York Ho!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters therein...yet.

A/N: Oof! My muse hasn't let me stop writing for days! Snape, honey, I can't feel my hands!

Snape: Don't worry darling, if there's anything you need DONE I'm more than willing to help in any way!

Me: In that case, all of you get out! Go read the Chapter! oh and Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Dogma, Dreams and Departure

Severus sat in his room, with only a candle for light (which was going out). He'd drawn the black drapes against the sunlight and snuffed the fire. He enjoyed the chill which crept into his room as he mournfully pondered his fate for the day.

'Gods, they're making me go to New York of all places? What could possibly benefit me by going to America? Except developing an uneducated accent and an affinity for fried food of course.' Severus thought to himself as contempt crossed his face.

His eyes began roving his room. Even though it was impossible for him to decorate himself without his wand, he was begrudgingly pleased by the décor.

Despite himself Severus was impressed by Miss Granger's decorating skills. His room was decorated in black and green and silver, his three favorite colors. He had a big four poster bed with black velvet hangings. He had black cotton sheets and a black silk comforter with four green snakes intertwining on it. He had two walls of ebony book shelves, stocked fully, the other two walls were devoted to, respectively, a black marble fireplace and ebony armoire on one wall and a table and entertainment center under the long windows of the last.

Hermione had even supplied him with a cauldron and several movies. He examined them as he moved to his entertainment center. He saw few titles he recognized.

"Mesmer? Like the 19th century wizard?"

"Die Hard? What kind of title is that?" he pondered it again.

"Hermione's probably trying to tell me something." He thought with a sneer.

His eyes lighted upon the last few movies in the row and he was pleased to see titles very familiar to him. His love of classic literature had caused a great interest in muggle authors, classical ones, of course. He was pleased to see Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park and A Midsummer Nights Dream among the unfamiliar titles like old friends at a reunion.

As he scanned the next shelf, something caught his eye "Dogma" he read with contempt, he picked up the jewel case and was stunned into zero brain activity for a few moments. There among the other faces on the cover, was his own.

He read the back of the box with a incredulous look on his face. His brain had not yet fully comprehended what was happening. "So my twin is an Alan Rickman, eh? Lets see this with our own two eyes, Severus My Boy."

After a full ten minutes of commanding the "Devil Machine" to "Reveal it's secret!" he finally picked up the handwritten instructions left by Hermione and proceeded to be thoroughly embarrassed at himself as he started the movie. The very minute the credits finished his door burst open.

"Hello Severus, May I come in? Great, Thanks!" Katina fired off a sentence he couldn't comprehend it was said so fast and promptly took up the stance of an ancient Greek orator.

"Madam, just what do you think you're doing?" a furious Severus asked with barely suppressed anger.

"Chill out Sev! I just came by to inform you that we should be leaving in approximately twenty minutes!"

"Thank you, now get out!" he replied icily.

Katina responded by coming in and flopping down Indian style on his bed next to him.

"Whatcha watching?"

Snape, deciding there was nothing short of hexing her that he could do to get her to leave, replied, mumbling inaudibly.

"Sorry what was that?" she said as she grabbed the box from his hand.

"Oh goody, Dogma! This is one my favorites!" She leaned in conspiratorially "You know, there's a guy in this that could be your identical twin brother, want to see?"

Severus barely pulled off looking indifferent as he was insanely curious inside. "If you must."

She flipped to the scene in Bethany's bedroom (A/N: anyone who hasn't seen Dogma, skip this paragraph and may God have mercy on your souls.) as the Metatron appeared in a burst of flame. Katina drew her platform Mary Jane's onto the bed and as the baseball bat turned into a fish, she giggled and turned to Severus to see his reaction. He looked mildly pleased at the character snark and even smirked at the fish.

A realization dawned on Katina. 'Great shades of Elvis! Severus Snape looks exactly like ever-so-sexy Alan Rickman! I can't believe my luck, I'm living with a Alan look-a-like! Yay Me!'

While she pondered, Snape was doing some pondering of his own.

'I've got to admit, the attitude is almost spot on. But what the hell is a Ken Doll? It can't be much fun to be one. Speaking of which, when was the last time I had a mildly attractive young woman voluntarily come into my room?'

But just when they had both gotten their ponders on, they were cut off when Hermione waltzed in with a singsong "And it's off to the Big Apple!"

"SSHHHH!" Two voices came.

Hermione looked at them perched rather close together on Snape's bed and smirked "Am I interrupting something?"

Katina replied sarcastically "Yeah, our movie!"

"Ooh, what movie?" Hermione said as she sat down on the floor on front of the bed.

"Look for yourself!" came Katina's reply, along with a flying projectile DVD case.

Catching it Hermione exclaimed "Oh Dogma!" she hopped up from the floor and onto the other side of Katina, "Is this the fish scene?"

"Yes, now shut up!" Her cousin fired at her, after all it WAS her favorite scene!

Completely ignoring her cousin she addressed her former Potions Master. "Y'know Severus, for her entire adolescence Katina here was Madly, Truly and Deeply in love with Alan Rickman!"

Snape's head snapped around to look at the cousins with an incredulous eyebrow raised. "Really?"

Katina turned an unattractive shade of red-pink-purple and replied "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

Hermione, in full taunting cousin mode, said gleefully "Yes, she used to moan in her sleep like this," she threw herself backwards onto the bed and clutched the bedspread to her, moaning, "Oh, Alan! Alan more!"

Katina jumped on her cousin and attacked her like a rabid weasel.

The fight lasted a few furious minutes before the girls lay on the bed, a tangle of limbs and hair, panting.

"Weren't we going somewhere?" Snape asked, desperate for them to leave his room a little bit intact.

"Wha? Oh Right! New York City!" Hermione jumped up and dragged her cousin with her.

"Come on Severus, New York ho!" Katina cried as she grabbed his hand and they apparated with a pop! and the familiar pulling behind their navels.


End file.
